Tuesday February 28, 2012

It turns out, my martini glass was right. I woke up Saturday morning with a splitting headache and feeling a little silly for making yet another drunken entry in my blog……but that feeling soon passed. I do so many stupid things, usually on a daily basis that it’s really hard to feel embarrassed anymore. ……

So Saturday I went (by that I mean, dragged my hung-over ass) for my haircut, which BTW, is FAB!. Tommy (my hairdresser), once again out did himself. Anyway, after my day of beauty at the parlor, I sluggishly dragged my sorry ass, but fabulous hairdo home and decided that a day of rest and relaxation would be best considering my delicate disposition. I spent the day lazing around, eating anything in site and watching my favourite movies; Muriel’s wedding, Party girl, View from the top, Death becomes her and My step mother is an alien.

As the hang over passed and I started to feel human again, true to form………I did it all over…….

My Friend Richard called me and asked if I would like to go out and play pool at our usual Saturday night haunt, the Pumpjack. For those of you who don’t know, the Pumpjack is our local leather bar. I don’t know what it is, but big harry men in assless chaps seem to love me, especially since I grew a beard, but I digress…..

Being a trooper, I slapped on a little lipstick, rouged my cheeks and was good to go……

We played pool and I won every game, 9 in total. It got to the point that nobody wanted to play against me. I, at one point, got called a hustler by one of my victims, I mean, opponents. He calls it hustling, I call it a strategy. I turn up the charm, undo a few buttons, throw back my head and toss my hair, they lose concentration and I move in for the kill and clear the table. It’s not my fault though, My dad taught me to play pool when I was 5, not to mention my family owning various bars and pool leagues around Winnipeg where I spent most of my youth. It’s made me the well-rounded hust…..I mean, person that I am today……

Most of Sunday was spent shopping. We made our way down Robson, browsed around Burberry with a quick stop at the Bel Café in the Hotel Georgia for a pain au chocolat and a London Fog.

Right now it is Tuesday night. We leave for South Africa on Friday and I haven’t even thought about packing. Wayne has been packed since Sunday. I will probably start to think about packing Thursday night, but only if it doesn’t interfere with my wine drinking,……oh who am I kidding, I’ll pack like I usually do,  3 minuets before I leave with the taxi outside honking………Yeah, I procrastinate, so shut up

February 25, 2012

2:10am

OK, it's only been about an hour since my last post and once again I find myself sitting here desperately trying to think of something funny to say......but really I'm just finding another reason to crack open the next bottle of Grey Goose. oops, too late...found a reason.....uh..., it's raining and I have white socks on...good enough for me.......

ok, one more cocktail for the road, and by road, I mean the 15 steps to my bedroom.
Oh, I know, lets call Kristen............

so she didn't answer, ruining this whole blog post......thank you Kristen......it's all her fault that I have nothing funny to say..........I better have another cocktail....

OK, No really, I do have to go to bed now because I have a hair appointment in the morning at 10.

OMG, Have I really been sitting here blabbing' about absolute nonsense for the past half an hour?..........um....just read everything I wrote, and yes, I have.........

OK Good night......my martini glass just told me that I might feel stupid about this tomorrow.....I told my martini glass to shut it and then thought.....should my martini glass be speaking to me??

Friday February 24, 2012

*DISCLAIMER*

This entry is a bit long winded, but it’s been a while and lots of good, but mostly stupid shit has happened in the past month………

First I must explain why there has been such a huge gap in the time since my last entry. Simply put, I’m lazy, NO….Well yes, but I can explain….

Last report, I was in the middle of a grueling schedule at school and I really needed to focus on my studies, I was being responsible. (I just threw up a little in my throat again when I said that word)…….but anyway, all of that responsibility paid off and I am very proud to announce that I am now a Red Seal Chef! Thank you, thank you (applause, applause, waves to the crowd). It was extremely hard and I hated every single moment of it. Everyone said to me “Have fun with it, enjoy it”, to which I say, Shut UP! You have no idea what the pressure was like. I did manage however NOT to cry until the very last day of class, which, in my defense is a huge break through for me, being the over sensitive girl that I am. But when I did have my inevitable break down, it was a good one. It was right after my practical exam where I had to make a 4-course meal in 4 hours in which my dessert didn’t turn out and I was sure I failed! I barely made it out of the classroom to the bathroom where I had a full out DEFCON 5 thermal nuclear melt down. I was sobbing so hard that I couldn’t breathe; snot was dripping down my face, mascara running…oh yeah, I was the definition of a Hot Mess. But once again, I was just being my usual overly dramatic self because I passed with flying colours and with great praise from my teacher. Thankfully it’s done now, my career is in hand and the world is my oyster, so, it was totally worth the trauma, and the ulcer that I’m sure I’ve developed from it.

so what to do next??

Of course I plan on becoming a huge television star with my show “Cooking with Cocktails” What? You haven’t seen it yet? www.youtube.com/cookingwithcocktails   

Episode 3 is coming soon and it’s going to be the best yet!

Another big thing happened, I turned the big 2-5!! ……….OK, 30……FINE…….34. There I said it, happy? Yes, I just turned 34 on February 13^th.  I like to think that the whole world came to a stand still, lit candles and took a moment to celebrate such a momentous occasion in which I was so graciously given to the universe……..but something tells me…… it didn’t………… Oh well, maybe next year…..

For My birthday I went to a Canucks game with my friend Richard. APPARENTLY I was so drunk that when the JumboTron focused on the 7 year old kid sitting 2 seats over from me, I pushed him out of the way, jumped into the shot and waved to the crowd……..NOW, before you judge me, I was VERY drunk and we all know that you can’t be held accountable for things you do after a few dozen cocktails. Thankfully his mom got my houmour and found me charming and hilarious…….. Nonetheless, it was a good bit, and I stand by it.

OH YEAH, so I’ve decided that this whole “So I’ve decided” thing just isn’t going to work for me. Too much too keep up with and to commit to (I told you I have ADD right?) SO, I’ve decided that instead I will just report the daily (and usually drunken) comedies of errors that is my life.

For instance just the other day…….

You know the little thing that holds down the strap of your watch when you have it on? Yeah, that thing! Well it broke, so I thought that I would Krazy glue it back together……or so I thought..… The Krazy glue did NOT fix the little thing that holds down the strap of my watch when it’s on, it did however glue my finger to my watch, and my watch to the table. No really. Shit like this happens to me every day. You can’t make this stuff up.

Have I told you about my New Year’s Eve Party??

WELL, I went ALLLLLLL Out. My entire house was decked out in glitter and gold! Anything that would stand still had balloons and streamers on it, including my dogs. I had a live DJ, the fridge was packed with $500 worth of booze and the buffet table was longer then the eye could see. I invited about 30 people, but I knew that not everyone would be able to come, so I was expecting about 20 guests or so…………4 people showed up. My cousin/BFF Kristen, but only because she had to (and had nothing better to do) My friend Yanira with her boyfriend Nick and Yanira’s daughter Nelli. OK, ok fine, I was going to make the best of it. I looked SO CUTE! I was wearing a suit with a bowtie, a fabulous bowler hat, Gucci accessories, the whole nine yards. Everyone arrived at 9pm. By 10:30pm, Yanira and Nelli were passed out drunk on the couch. At 11pm, Kristen was complain that her pants were too tight, so went and put on her pajamas. 11:03 I was siting there, looking Fabulous, PISSED right off. Arms crossed, pounding back martinis and counting down the minuets until midnight. I swear, that last hour took about 6 days to pass. FINALLY it was the countdown. 3,2,1 HAPPY NEW YEAR! I woke up Yanira and Nelli, gave them half a glass of Champagne and by 12:06 had them in a cab.

Needless to say, my party was a bust……… Oh well, better luck next year.

ANYWAY, I just finished off the last of my bottle of Grey Goose which means it’s time to go to bed…….if it wasn’t midnight right now, I’d be going to the liquor store…….. But since it is, begrudgingly, I say good night

Sunday January 22, 2012

9:02 am.

I decided that it’s not a good idea to drink wine while doing homework. I woke up with a headache, did absolutely no homework and for some reason, started this blog. I don’t know what goes through my head sometimes. Oh well, what’s done is done, lets move forward…

10:00am

Went to Costco with Wayne. I LOVE going to Costco! There is something about buying large quantities of things (usually that I don’t even need) at ridiculously low prices that brings me such joy. However, Wayne and I got into an argument on the way to Costco and it totally ruined what should have been a perfectly wonderful shopping trip…….Jerk

I’ve decided that it’s not a good idea to argue on the way to Costco

11:35am

Home from Costco and ready to start working on my list of goals. Lets start with getting super fit. I really don’t have far to go with that. I do hit the gym about 4 times a week already, I just need to discipline myself when it comes to eating because I looooves my Tim Horton double-doubles, Doritos, Cheetos, chips ahoy, cups of sugary tea, ice cream, popcorn, anything baked or deep fried, anything breaded or with butter, sautéed, grilled…..ok, lets just say I love food, period! (I am a chef after all), And lets not forget the wine. The many, many, many bottles of wine……. Oh how I love my wine…and vodka…..and champagne…….we can just say I like cocktails, period.

I think the key work here is “moder *GAG* ation". ……sorry, it’s hard for me to say that word……

1:15pm

Home from the gym. Had a great work out and I even did an extra 30 minuets of cardio! …..OK it was more like 5, BUT I thought of doing and extra 30 minuets…..that’s a good start, Right?

 Going to have a protein shake and a chicken & veggie stir-fry for lunch

1:43pm

Fell off the wagon and ate a bag of dill pickle chips.

I’ll make this my “cheat” day

2:02pm

Now lets work on being responsible! I have to get my paper on Cholesterol done because it’s due tomorrow!

2:10pm

Wayne just came home and told me that The Bay has ALL cookware on sale and that the 11pc. Gordon Ramsay pots and pans set that I want for $800 is on sale for $299.99, but TODAY ONLY!

3:03pm

Just got back from the mall. I mean really, $299.99 from $800!! How could I afford NOT to buy it! Am I right?!?!

I have made yet another wise shopping decision!

OK, let’s get to work on that paper

5:25

Finished writing my paper on Cholesterol. It’s probably the most boring paper in the history of the world.

I think a cocktail is in order as a reward for a job well done!

6:30pm

Had my cocktail(s), feelin’ good!

6:37pm

Ordered a large peperoni and onion stuffed crust pizza from Pizza Hut.

7:15pm

Ate a large peperoni and onion stuffed crust pizza from Pizza Hit.

Diet starts Monday!

Sunday January 22nd, 2012

1:23 am

OK so it's only been 2 hours since my last post. I'm still up and having another cocktail. I just spoke with Kristen (my cousin/ BFF) and she has also been partaking in some cocktails........and that's really all I have to report. I'm just sitting here trying to think of something clever or insightful to say, but really all I'm doing is procrastinating and giving myself another reason to have another cocktail when really I should be in bed. OK, I'm going to bed.....oh who am I kidding, I'm having another cocktail..........

So I've decided

So I’ve decided…

That is a phrase that I say a lot.  However, the things that I “decide” to do…. I don’t always follow through on. “So I’ve decided to learn to speak French”,  “So I’ve decided to take Karate lessons”, “So I’ve decided that I should call my parents at least once a week”, “So I’ve decided to do my own cooking show”,  “So I’ve decided to start a retirement fund”, “So I’ve decided to get a 6 pack” (Ab’s, not beer……..ok, maybe beer too……)  “So I’ve decided to be more responsible”, And so on.

It’s not easy though, especially when you have ADD, no will power and a general lack of interest. My intentions are always good and I mean to do the things I say I’m going to, but I am easily distracted (usually by something shiny) and just plain forget to do the things that I have decided to do because there are at least 5 new ones a week.

So I’ve decided that this is going to change. Today is January 21^st, 2012.  I am about 3 weeks from my 34^th birthday and on the cusp of finishing my red seal in culinary arts.  Like it or not, I am a grown up and I’m going to have to start (begrudgingly) acting like one.

I’ve decided that I am finally going to do all of those things that I have previously attempted to do. I am going to learn to speak French, take Karate lessons, call my parents every week, do my own cooking show, start a retirement fund, be more responsible AND get a 6 pack….first of beer, then ab’s.

To do all these things, I’ve decided to start a blog to my track my progress and maybe provide insight, inspiration and a little houmour along the way. At the very least, I'll provide a skewed, drunken vision of reality.

So here it goes……

Saturday January 21^st, 2012

11:15 pm

So I’m not exactly off to the best start in terms of being more responsible. I am 3 weeks in to my 5 weeks of school to finish my apprenticeship and I should be writing a paper on cholesterol, but instead I am writing this blog.  This is what I mean when I say that I am easily distracted. I was literally right in the middle of writing my paper when I had this idea, so, true to my ADD form, I opened a new word document and started typing. It didn’t help that I had a bottle of wine. My mind tends to wonder even more when I have a cocktail…..or 6.. However, I think that this is good for me. Even though I am distracting from the task at hand, I need this little moment of distraction to help me focus, if that makes sense. By putting this down on paper is going to help me focus on the things that I need to focus on, again, if that makes sense. It does to me and that’s all that matters…..I am however a little drunk, so it probably doesn’t make any sense at all.  Ok, that’s enough deep thinking for one night. I’m going to take my cocktail and watch Chelsea lately and then maybe order a pizza (diet starts tomorrow) and then go to bed. Wayne and I are going to Costco in the morning.

………..Ok, I just read what I just wrote and no, it doesn’t’ make much sense…….but it’s a start……and I’m drunk so shut up.