Tuesday February 28, 2012

It turns out, my martini glass was right. I woke up Saturday morning with a splitting headache and feeling a little silly for making yet another drunken entry in my blog……but that feeling soon passed. I do so many stupid things, usually on a daily basis that it’s really hard to feel embarrassed anymore. ……

So Saturday I went (by that I mean, dragged my hung-over ass) for my haircut, which BTW, is FAB!. Tommy (my hairdresser), once again out did himself. Anyway, after my day of beauty at the parlor, I sluggishly dragged my sorry ass, but fabulous hairdo home and decided that a day of rest and relaxation would be best considering my delicate disposition. I spent the day lazing around, eating anything in site and watching my favourite movies; Muriel’s wedding, Party girl, View from the top, Death becomes her and My step mother is an alien.

As the hang over passed and I started to feel human again, true to form………I did it all over…….

My Friend Richard called me and asked if I would like to go out and play pool at our usual Saturday night haunt, the Pumpjack. For those of you who don’t know, the Pumpjack is our local leather bar. I don’t know what it is, but big harry men in assless chaps seem to love me, especially since I grew a beard, but I digress…..

Being a trooper, I slapped on a little lipstick, rouged my cheeks and was good to go……

We played pool and I won every game, 9 in total. It got to the point that nobody wanted to play against me. I, at one point, got called a hustler by one of my victims, I mean, opponents. He calls it hustling, I call it a strategy. I turn up the charm, undo a few buttons, throw back my head and toss my hair, they lose concentration and I move in for the kill and clear the table. It’s not my fault though, My dad taught me to play pool when I was 5, not to mention my family owning various bars and pool leagues around Winnipeg where I spent most of my youth. It’s made me the well-rounded hust…..I mean, person that I am today……

Most of Sunday was spent shopping. We made our way down Robson, browsed around Burberry with a quick stop at the Bel Café in the Hotel Georgia for a pain au chocolat and a London Fog.

Right now it is Tuesday night. We leave for South Africa on Friday and I haven’t even thought about packing. Wayne has been packed since Sunday. I will probably start to think about packing Thursday night, but only if it doesn’t interfere with my wine drinking,……oh who am I kidding, I’ll pack like I usually do,  3 minuets before I leave with the taxi outside honking………Yeah, I procrastinate, so shut up

February 25, 2012

2:10am

OK, it's only been about an hour since my last post and once again I find myself sitting here desperately trying to think of something funny to say......but really I'm just finding another reason to crack open the next bottle of Grey Goose. oops, too late...found a reason.....uh..., it's raining and I have white socks on...good enough for me.......

ok, one more cocktail for the road, and by road, I mean the 15 steps to my bedroom.
Oh, I know, lets call Kristen............

so she didn't answer, ruining this whole blog post......thank you Kristen......it's all her fault that I have nothing funny to say..........I better have another cocktail....

OK, No really, I do have to go to bed now because I have a hair appointment in the morning at 10.

OMG, Have I really been sitting here blabbing' about absolute nonsense for the past half an hour?..........um....just read everything I wrote, and yes, I have.........

OK Good night......my martini glass just told me that I might feel stupid about this tomorrow.....I told my martini glass to shut it and then thought.....should my martini glass be speaking to me??

Friday February 24, 2012

*DISCLAIMER*

This entry is a bit long winded, but it’s been a while and lots of good, but mostly stupid shit has happened in the past month………

First I must explain why there has been such a huge gap in the time since my last entry. Simply put, I’m lazy, NO….Well yes, but I can explain….

Last report, I was in the middle of a grueling schedule at school and I really needed to focus on my studies, I was being responsible. (I just threw up a little in my throat again when I said that word)…….but anyway, all of that responsibility paid off and I am very proud to announce that I am now a Red Seal Chef! Thank you, thank you (applause, applause, waves to the crowd). It was extremely hard and I hated every single moment of it. Everyone said to me “Have fun with it, enjoy it”, to which I say, Shut UP! You have no idea what the pressure was like. I did manage however NOT to cry until the very last day of class, which, in my defense is a huge break through for me, being the over sensitive girl that I am. But when I did have my inevitable break down, it was a good one. It was right after my practical exam where I had to make a 4-course meal in 4 hours in which my dessert didn’t turn out and I was sure I failed! I barely made it out of the classroom to the bathroom where I had a full out DEFCON 5 thermal nuclear melt down. I was sobbing so hard that I couldn’t breathe; snot was dripping down my face, mascara running…oh yeah, I was the definition of a Hot Mess. But once again, I was just being my usual overly dramatic self because I passed with flying colours and with great praise from my teacher. Thankfully it’s done now, my career is in hand and the world is my oyster, so, it was totally worth the trauma, and the ulcer that I’m sure I’ve developed from it.

so what to do next??

Of course I plan on becoming a huge television star with my show “Cooking with Cocktails” What? You haven’t seen it yet? www.youtube.com/cookingwithcocktails   

Episode 3 is coming soon and it’s going to be the best yet!

Another big thing happened, I turned the big 2-5!! ……….OK, 30……FINE…….34. There I said it, happy? Yes, I just turned 34 on February 13^th.  I like to think that the whole world came to a stand still, lit candles and took a moment to celebrate such a momentous occasion in which I was so graciously given to the universe……..but something tells me…… it didn’t………… Oh well, maybe next year…..

For My birthday I went to a Canucks game with my friend Richard. APPARENTLY I was so drunk that when the JumboTron focused on the 7 year old kid sitting 2 seats over from me, I pushed him out of the way, jumped into the shot and waved to the crowd……..NOW, before you judge me, I was VERY drunk and we all know that you can’t be held accountable for things you do after a few dozen cocktails. Thankfully his mom got my houmour and found me charming and hilarious…….. Nonetheless, it was a good bit, and I stand by it.

OH YEAH, so I’ve decided that this whole “So I’ve decided” thing just isn’t going to work for me. Too much too keep up with and to commit to (I told you I have ADD right?) SO, I’ve decided that instead I will just report the daily (and usually drunken) comedies of errors that is my life.

For instance just the other day…….

You know the little thing that holds down the strap of your watch when you have it on? Yeah, that thing! Well it broke, so I thought that I would Krazy glue it back together……or so I thought..… The Krazy glue did NOT fix the little thing that holds down the strap of my watch when it’s on, it did however glue my finger to my watch, and my watch to the table. No really. Shit like this happens to me every day. You can’t make this stuff up.

Have I told you about my New Year’s Eve Party??

WELL, I went ALLLLLLL Out. My entire house was decked out in glitter and gold! Anything that would stand still had balloons and streamers on it, including my dogs. I had a live DJ, the fridge was packed with $500 worth of booze and the buffet table was longer then the eye could see. I invited about 30 people, but I knew that not everyone would be able to come, so I was expecting about 20 guests or so…………4 people showed up. My cousin/BFF Kristen, but only because she had to (and had nothing better to do) My friend Yanira with her boyfriend Nick and Yanira’s daughter Nelli. OK, ok fine, I was going to make the best of it. I looked SO CUTE! I was wearing a suit with a bowtie, a fabulous bowler hat, Gucci accessories, the whole nine yards. Everyone arrived at 9pm. By 10:30pm, Yanira and Nelli were passed out drunk on the couch. At 11pm, Kristen was complain that her pants were too tight, so went and put on her pajamas. 11:03 I was siting there, looking Fabulous, PISSED right off. Arms crossed, pounding back martinis and counting down the minuets until midnight. I swear, that last hour took about 6 days to pass. FINALLY it was the countdown. 3,2,1 HAPPY NEW YEAR! I woke up Yanira and Nelli, gave them half a glass of Champagne and by 12:06 had them in a cab.

Needless to say, my party was a bust……… Oh well, better luck next year.

ANYWAY, I just finished off the last of my bottle of Grey Goose which means it’s time to go to bed…….if it wasn’t midnight right now, I’d be going to the liquor store…….. But since it is, begrudgingly, I say good night